Thursday, May 20, 2010

i know that i'll need this for the rest of my life

i haven't gotten any work done on my novel this week, but i have a really, really good reason.

i'm nursing a broken heart.


i had a really emotional night on sunday, and even though it's days later, i'm still reduced to tears when i think about it. i'm sure to many my reason will seem silly, juvenile even, but i can't help it. i have a hollow spot inside me, and i'm afraid it might never get filled.

you see, my favorite band of all time is breaking up for good. forever. never to tour or make music again and i'm gutted.
i first fell in love with them as a girl 25 years ago. i mean, look at them! who wouldn't?

clearly there's some damn good breeding in norway.

but my love didn't subside after their overplayed first hit disappeared from MTV. their second album i hold dear to my heart. it's their most passionate, in my opinion, and it really spoke to me. not just as a kid, but through junior high, high school, college and as an adult.
i bought all their albums through the years, including solo projects.

my love for them never waned, not even when they went on a seven year hiatus. and in 2000 they delivered an amazing album along with an amazing european tour. i even had tickets to see them play in brussels and paris, but at the last minute had to cancel my travel plans.

they have since released three more albums, and have toured all over europe. i always hoped i'd get to see them here in the states, and last sunday my wish was granted.
but at a cost.

i can tell you i had the best time at the concert. i danced and sang during the entire show, doing my part to honor the band that gave me so much. when they played songs off their second album, well i was very affected. it brought me right back to those nights i'd lay on my bedroom floor with my head touching my speaker so the music could flow directly through me. and when they closed out the show with their biggest hit, well.....
i stood there. and cried. i tried to savor every note, every last second of their performance.

photo by Catherine 

i had no idea i'd feel like a part of me was torn out when they walked off the stage. i always knew their music had a special place in my heart, and that i used their songs as a way to cope through many rough times in my life. but intellectually knowing something and emotionally feeling it are two separate things.

luckily mr. write is very understanding and allowing me to grieve. and really, that's what i'm doing.
it's one thing when your favorite band goes on a break. another when they announce they will no longer record or tour as a group.
the soundtrack to my life is made up of a-ha songs, and it hurts to know they will never contribute to it ever again.

it's all so heartbreaking. and final.

i know this is something i'll get over and it's not the end of the world, but for right now i'm willing to be consumed by my sadness. so, i've been spending my spare time watching uploaded clips of their final american concert (the one i attended) and trying to keep from having a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.


SkippyMom said...

Oh sweetie - hold out hope - think about it - how many times has Cher done a farewell tour? Or the Stones or the Beach Boys?

Say your prayers and I bet they get back together in our lifetime and when they do I will buy the tickets and take you, 'kay?

Hang in there.

Dawn said...

Aww Mi, I can totally relate. I loved A-ha (not as passionately) and have watched many of the "soundtrack-of-my-life" bands go their separate ways. I'm so happy that Mr. Write is understanding and allowing you to grieve.

Random Thinker said...

Skippy is right. I mean look at Donny. While I was in Vegas I could have gone right down the street to see him play. Does Norway have casinos?

KarenG said...

Why would they break up when they have such devoted fans?

mi said...

skippymom - deal!

dawn - it sucks, doesn't it! and mr. write has been a sweetheart about it - even letting me pre-order the deluxe editions of their first two cds.

random thinker - ha! i'll have to see if they have casinos there. i can keep my fingers crossed they'll be headlining lounges, haha!

kareng - i think they are more focused on their solo work. and their artistic relationship hasn't always been harmonious. bummer.

Johnny Rojo said...

I must confess, I only know "Take On Me." Loved the song and video.

A long-ago ex-girlfriend (mid-eighties) was in line at a beach bar in Hawaii to get a drink and realized that the singer was in line in front of her. Her brush with fame.

mi said...

johnny - i would be happy to send you a cd so you can become more educated with their music!
and i'm eternally jealous of that ex-girlfriend!

purplegirl said...

I have a broken heart too. :( I didn't expect to feel so bad! And I can't even explain to the people around me why, because they just don't get it.

(Also, hi SkippyMom! Small world!)

Creepy Query Girl said...

Awe. There's much to be admired in a die-hard fan and the grieving is normal. I hope you feel better soon. I can relate. I was a die hard LJ Smith fan. All you need to do is read the review on her last 'vampire diaries' and you'll understand my pain...

mi said...

purplegirl - yeah, and with time i found i'm not feeling any better. oi.

creepy query girl - i'll have to check her out!

Nishant said...

I'm so happy that Mr. Write is understanding and allowing you to grieve.
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