a rejection in time

i feel i'm about the catch the wave of completion and ride it all the way to the shore.


i'm gearing up to write the last 15k words of my wip, and it's exciting, scary and nerve wracking all at the same time. i am still not exactly sure where my final word count will end up, and i checked my email records to see how many words my last manuscript was (47k, incidentally). 


now, it has been three years since i sent out queries for my last novel, and although my success rate was high for passing through the initial gate, i received rejections on all my partial and full submissions. looking through my past emails, i re-read this rejection:

I would love to see more from you. I thought TITLE REDACTED was a wonderful story. I think where it fell down was you left MAIN CHARACTER's point of view. You have a great voice and obvious talent... 

I really do mean it when I say I'd like to read more from you including MAIN CHARACTER's story if you put it in her pov. Either way I truly wish you great success in your literary career.

"wow." was my first thought. "how the heck did i miss this?"
i wondered if i was so consumed with the fact it was a rejection that i missed the part where the agent offered to give a second look at my manuscript providing i did a rewrite.
i know i'm not so prideful that i would refuse to change my novel if an agent asked. i've done it before (though still with the same result *rejection*) and would certainly do it again if i felt the changes were reasonable. and indeed, in retrospect, this agent's request was.


so why didn't i at least attempt a rewrite? and why did i have no memory of her liking my writing so much?


well, a little visit to the absolute write forums told me exactly why.
although this agent is/was not a scammer, she did not have any real sales to her credit. there were also more than a couple testimonials where writers shared their (not so great) experience with this agent.
and no, she did not manage to help these writers get any steps closer to being published.
it seems this agent no longer does business, and the handful of established writers she represented all ended their contracts with her.


honestly, i'm happy that three years ago i (apparently) did my homework, which is why i never followed up with this agent. i'm also happy that my vision wasn't so clouded by the stormy skies of rejection that i was blinded to a possible redo with an agent.


so now it's back to my wip.
before i start the big finish, i need to go back and read everything i've written thus far. and i guess while i'm there, i will make all those edits and changes i told myself i'd do once i'd finished the novel.
so yeah, there's a chance it will be a few more weeks before i start the conclusion, but at least everything else will be tight and polished, right?


right?!?

it's all subjective

i was a senior in high school the first time i saw this piece by boccioni.
to me it was the representation of tenacity - the total unwillingness to be anchored down. it was the human spirit thrusting forth, no matter the obstacles.
my teacher, however, curtly informed me that i was wrong. that it was a representation of how traditional thought keeps us from moving forward and the artist's struggle with a society tied to the past.

in my opinion you are never "wrong" when it comes to your personal impression. no matter what the teachers, experts, or even the artists say, whatever message you take from an artwork is completely valid.
because it's all subjective, isn't it?

i think about boccioni's sculpture a lot because it's symbolism applies to my everyday life.
whether i'm running to get back into shape, or working on my novel, i often have to dig a little to find the endurance needed to complete that mile or chapter.

now, i could look at it the way my art history teacher did.

i could struggle with every word i type, hoping to string enough of them together to make a coherent sentence. i could check my word count every minute hoping to see progress, but realize i'm basically at a stand still.
when running i could focus on how heavy my legs are, as if i have lead weights around my ankles. how every step depletes my energy reserves and soon i'll be running on fumes.

but i don't view it her way, just as i didn't in high school.

sure, i might find myself struggling to finish a chapter, but every page that gets written is a page closer to completing my first draft. and if it takes me two days to write two hundred words, so be it. but those two hundred words are two hundred more than i had previously.
and every mile i put in, no matter how sluggish i may feel, is another mile of strength training. and every day i can measure the proof in my improved stamina and determination.

personally, i prefer my method of thinking to hers.

do i or don't i?

perspective.
it can change everything, can't it?

one of the big arguments (or area of differing opinion) in YA is whether cursing is necessary when writing for a young adult audience.
there seems to be two main camps on this issue: those who believe bad words have no place, at any time, in YA fiction, and those who believe it adds realism to the story.

well, let me tell you my wip has A LOT of cursing.
not like in a quentin tarantino "i'm gonna strive to make every other word the F word" way, but in a normal teenage angst sort of way.
but not only are there bad words, there's smoking (from a certain faction of characters), references to sex, and some marijuana use.

wow.
when i look at it on paper it looks like my book is very gritty and dark.
and yes, parts of it are, but as a whole it is not intended that way.
as i've been writing the book i've felt the cursing, drug use and sex references were necessary because it's what the characters are doing. yes, i was the one who created them, but i think most writers find their characters flesh themselves out. they are the ones who tell you how they should be depicted. so when my character reached for a cigarette, i wrote that in. when i write his diatribe filled with swear words, it's because he actually said those things.

and honestly, i felt "hey, these are the kinds of things kids are doing nowadays anyway. it's YA fiction, not middle grade." BUT i have to say i'm starting to have some concerns. and my concerns didn't appear because someone made a good argument for no cussing in a blog, or that i happened to read an awesome YA novel that was PG. nope, my concerns are named max and connor.

i have known max and connor most their lives. they just turned fifteen this year and are great kids. they are both extremely athletic, and get good grades in school.
when i was thinking of rounding up beta readers later in the year to give me feedback on my manuscript, i though max and connor would be ideal since they are part of my target audience, and they could tell me if my male main character was real enough.

but then i got nervous. what if max and connor saw the language, sex and drug use and thought since i wrote about these things, i must condone them? what if reading about the situations made them curious to try them? all of a sudden i was doubting whether what i'd included in my book was absolutely necessary.
and then i wondered why i never had any cause for concern when i though of anonymous fifteen year-olds reading my work. why did it not cross my mind that they might think i was condoning the behaviour i was depicting. or that they might be influenced by what i had written.

well, after some reflection i've decided to keep writing in the manner i started.
i'm not saying it's set in stone, but since i'm halfway through the first draft i think it would be a mistake to go back and tweak things. so i will forge ahead, finish the manuscript and then give it to my beta readers.
if the consensus is i have too many gratuitous bad words, etc., then i will look at possibly changing parts of the novel.

but of course, that is waaaaaay in the future.

not blocked - bored!

for the last four days (well, nights really, since the KidLit won't let me write during the day) i have been stuck on the same chapter. it's not uncommon for me to spend close to a week working on a chapter, but usually i've got momentum, pushing the plot forward.
this time i've written about  six pages and all i feel is *blah*.
i thought maybe my order of events was too linear, so i mixed things up a bit.

yeah - that didn't help.
so now i'm thinking of changing the order again. but i'm afraid i'll end up with the same result. oi.

the issue with this chapter is the exposition.
it's ALL exposition. too much "tell" and not enough "show".
the individual elements are necessary, and do indeed push the plot forward, but the manner in which i've written the chapter is just dull, dull, dull.
i mean, you know there's a problem when the author is bored to tears by her own work. i've found myself skimming through paragraphs while i proofread. THAT is just WRONG. so tonight i'm using a trick i haven't used in a while. tonight i'm doing my cut/paste/erase method.

that is to say, i'm going to cut/paste the chapter in a different file, but i'm erasing it completely from my wip. this way i'm not actually "losing" the work i've already done, but it's also not taunting black-type sitting there in front of my eyes, keeping me from looking at the work from a different perspective.
this method has worked for me in novels past, and i'm hoping it will work again. it's pretty obvious that i need to let go of what i've already written so I can move on and have the manuscript flow again.

it's kind of like cutting the dead weight. it's leaving an anchor behind so i can sail on unencumbered.
it's what i'm hoping will work to get me back on track.

write, read, revise!

i'm feeling good about my current novel.
no, i haven't miraculously found more time to spend writing it, but the fact i'm still enthusiastic and pushing forward is pleasing. also, i've been getting positive feedback from my two readers, which really makes me happy.
i've posted before about my different state of mind with this novel - that i'm not rushing full steam ahead, and am carefully listening to my readers' critiques. for my first draft, i've only two people reading my chapters as i write them. neither of them are authors, and only one is actually familiar with the young adult genre.

"so why the hell did you choose those two to give you feedback?" you might be asking.
well, i'll tell you:
my female reader is a voracious reader. she often reads two books at a time and can spot surprise endings a mile away. i picked her to critique my wip because she can clearly articulate what works plot wise for a reader. she knows which characters need more development and when the pacing needs to be picked up. i picked her because she is part of my target audience.
my male reader has never read a young adult novel except for twilight (and he read that only because of the vampires). i picked him to critique my work because he's a screenwriter and knows how to develop a storyline and characters. he can easily tell when there are plot holes, or when scenes are overwritten.

every writer knows how important it is to edit their work (well, at least every writer will learn how important it is). i'm not even done completing my first draft and i'm already thinking about the changes i'll be making when i do my revisions! but no matter how much you revise/edit your own work, you still need feedback from other people, especially if what you write is intended for an audience.
i'm really lucky to have two readers who are willing to read chapter by chapter and give me feedback. i'm lucky to have already been able to use their critiques to improve my novel, even though it is still a work in progress.
and i'm lucky that they are willing to read it all over again once i've finished my second draft.

but even though my two readers are fabulous, and have great insight, i still will search out other beta readers when i've finished my novel (and my first edit). and i will listen to everything they have to say about my manuscript, whether it's positive, negative or indifferent. and i will use what they say in the best way i know how to make my novel as strong as it can be.

book review - grand & humble by brent hartinger

my two cent(ence)s - a very quick read with a good premise. the surprise ending was good, though i wasn't taken with the writing.

i had heard of brent hartinger before (because of his novel the geography club), but i've never been too interested in reading his work. when i came across grand & humble and read the paragraph synopsis, i knew i had to read it. there were just too many elements and devices in this novel that reminded me of the one i'm currently writing. so, i quickly downloaded it on my nook and read it.

the story is written in third person point of view alternating chapters. harlan is a senator's son - the popular kid with the seemingly perfect life. manny is a guy who lives below the radar - hanging out with his deaf best friend and doing lighting for the school productions. both attend the same high school and have extremely different experiences there. and both are haunted: manny by vivid dreams of dying and harlan by graphic premonitions of dying. both are trying to unravel the mystery of why they are tortured by these visions/dreams. in the end, each one finds out he's been adopted and finally learns his family history and how it relates to what haunts him.

what i like about the ending is that it was completely unexpected. basically the reader discovers that manny and harlan are the same person, the book showing how manny/harlan's life plays out if he were adopted by his aunt, or if he were raised by his birth father. it's kind of like the gwenyth paltrow movie sliding doors, but in reverse. and not done nearly as well.

after i read this book i had to read other reviews about it, because i really didn't connect with the writing at all. turns out, people LOVE this book. so i guess it really is a matter of taste, and this was not to my liking.
as i said, the premise was good and as i was reading i was really interested in how the story would unfold, but i felt myself rushing through the pages because i was not enamored with the style of writing.
now, i can be honest and say that PERHAPS i was more critical of his writing because of the similarities to my wip, but i really don't think so. especially since it became very clear, very early the similarities are too general to even compare.
bottom line - don't listen to me on this one since i seem to be in the minority when it comes to opinions on it.

superstition or stupidity?

i know i've mentioned my work in progress often, but without actually revealing anything about the subject or plot. i've done this intentionally. and it all comes down to superstition.

now, i'm not a superstitious person by nature. i don't avoid stepping on cracks, i never toss salt over my shoulder and i've walked under more than one ladder in my lifetime. but even so, i admit to being superstitious when it comes to my novels, but not for the reasons you might think.

i know many writers (especially unpublished authors) try to keep the details of their novels a secret out of fear of someone taking their idea and selling it before they have a chance. although i understand this on an emotional level (i know i'd be gutted if i found "my novel" on a bookshelf, written by a different author), intellectually i know this is highly improbable. honestly, it's easy to find a book that resembles the plot of another. we see it happen on tv, in films - everywhere. in fact, the novel i'm currently reading has many similarities to my wip (which i will discuss in my next book review).
but this isn't the reason i hold back when i talk about my wip.

no, the reason i'm superstitious is because i'm afraid if i talk about my novel, i won't write it.
yup, i am afraid if i discuss my plot, the setting or the characters in detail, i will get bogged down in the discussion and it will take my focus off completing the manuscript.
i've already told you how i have limited writing time, so i can't let myself get off track (as tempting as it is to hear what other people think of my ideas).

there will come a time when i will post my query on this blog and ask for advice. i will request beta readers to give me a critique on my finished novel.
but not yet.
i have still so many more chapters to write.

write now

i am nowhere near finished with the first draft of my wip, and already i've butterflies in my stomach when i think of querying. honestly, i don't plan on being anywhere near ready to query until early next year because i'm being very conscientious to not rush the process.

it's not unusual for me to write a novel in just a few months. what is unusual for me is to spend an equal amount of time editing once the novel is finished. this time, however, i refuse to get carried away by the excitement of querying. i refuse to be my own worst enemy when it comes to getting an agent.

there are quite a few agent blogs i read regularly, all of them with excellent advice. a subject each one of the agents write about with regularity is the querying process, because honestly it's a subject most unrepresented writers are obsessed with, myself included. i've always been very good at querying. what i need to do now is bring my writing up to the level of my queries!
right now i have two readers who give me notes on my chapters as i write them. i've made both major and minor changes according to the feedback i've been given. it's the first time i've been so interactive during the writing process and i'm already seeing the difference it's making, which is why i get so excited whenever i think of an agent reading my query and (hopefully) requesting the manuscript.

i've never worked as hard on a novel as i am with my current wip. i think about it night and day. i work on it whenever my son naps or goes to bed. i am constantly shaping my characters and the plot as i go about my normal business.

and i'm happy to do it.

on the corner of 1st and 3rd

i consider my writing style to be "organic".

i start with an idea (that usually can be explained in just one sentence) and go from there. 

seriously. 

i might have some plot points i'd like to hit during the course of the book, but nothing is ever set in stone.

i'm not sure how common my method is, but it works for me. i've never been the kind of writer that makes a detailed outline, marking every twist, turn, reveal and arc. i'm not even the kind of writer that decides on how the novel will end before i write it. i start with general ideas, and through the course of writing i find my path. 

i've always said my books write themselves, and really it's true.

but sometimes my books stop flowing on their own. i wouldn't say they hit a wall, but they definitely stall, and that's when i have to take an honest look at what i've produced and decide what my next step will be.

this is what's happened with my latest work in progress.

i've had the idea for this novel for almost three years, but i didn't get serious about it until january of this year. i knew what i wanted to happen (generally) and where i'd like to see it end, but i had absolutely no road map. i just sat down and started writing.

originally i felt this novel needed to be written in third person. i have two main characters and i thought an omniscient narrator would work best. 

the writing flowed and i'd found my path, or so i thought. you see, my male character has been a dream: super easy to write with a very distinct personality. my female character never quite seemed as complete as her counterpart. soon i began to struggle with her chapters, sitting in front of my computer trying to conjure up what would happen next to her.

that's when i realized i needed to make some major changes. 

sure, my female lead needed a makeover. but that's not the only thing that needed changing.

i realized, even though i'd employed the use of a third person narrator, i wasn't using it to advantage. the narrator wasn't omniscient at all, and was only giving the reader one point of view - that of either the male or female main character, which is exactly what i wanted. i only wanted their two perspectives throughout the novel. it became clear there was only one thing to do and that was change the narration from third to first.

i had to trust my instinct though i did have concerns - would having two first-person narratives confuse the reader? would the pages be filled with "I"s and "me"s? 

i did some research and found it is not uncommon for there to be two characters written in first person. i even read nick and norah's infinite playlist to see if, as a reader, i could enjoy an entire novel written in this manner.

happily i am now rewriting. the narration change has been the easy part. tossing all the chapters focusing on my female lead was a little painful, but totally necessary. now her character is much stronger and her motives clearer (though if i'm totally honest, still not as easy to write as the male) and the novel is once again flowing. here's hoping that my book continues to guide me toward the right path!

y YA?

i did not originally set out to write YA fiction. in fact, when i queried agents for my first novel, i targeted those who represented women's lit. somewhere along the submission process i realized what i'd actually written was a young adult novel. and that realization was comforting.

i've been reading since early childhood, but it wasn't until fourth grade that books really began to speak to me. i can remember so clearly sitting in a circle with my friends in the back of our classroom, taking turns reading aloud from are you there god? it's me, margaret - absolutely baffled as to why you'd have to wear a belt with a pad.
judy blume taught us what our mothers wouldn't about periods.
actually, judy taught us just about everything.


i eventually graduated from judy blume to francine pascal's sweet valley high series. and when i got sick of the formulaic plots (and having to read the same paragraph in each book about how jessica and elizabeth may look the same but couldn't be more different) i moved on to novels that dealt with meatier subject matter.
strangely enough, i quit reading YA books in high school. in fact, i didn't start reading them again until after i'd written my first three novels.
yup - i wrote three young adult novels without even being familiar with the genre. i had no clue about current trends, or the target audience. all i knew was how much i enjoyed reading about teenagers when i was a kid, and how perfectly natural if felt to write about them.

so, three finished YA novels and no representation.
turns out i was damn good at writing two paragraph synopses, because i had many, many requests for my manuscripts. but all those requests were followed by rejection letters.

after novel #3 i was burned out, and still i didn't read any YA (not even twilight!).
when i started my current wip, i was honest with myself. i knew this wasn't just a hobby for me. that this was what i really wanted to do with my life, and that meant i had to do my homework.
having a good idea isn't enough. neither is having a great idea. it has to be well-crafted and polished.

so now i actively read the genre.
now i can see the difference between a good story and good writing. and the more i read, the more i wish to improve my skills so i can move on to refining them. and the more i know that YA is right where i want to be.

prologue

i'm not one of those people who always knew they wanted to write.
i'm one of those people who always loved to read.

ever since i can remember my life has been filled with books, but i never had an urge to put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard and actually write.
there was only one time in my childhood that i imagined myself a published author. i was in jr. high and the school library was hosting a talk given by a young adult author. she was an alumna and had riddled her novel with references to our school. sitting in the library i allowed myself to imagine i was her, talking with the students and suggesting that one day they might be giving a speech at their former jr. high.

it wasn't until i became an adult did i even consider attempting to write. and now here i am, working on my fourth young adult novel, hoping to soon land an agent (i'll wait until i've landed an agent before i dream of actually being published).
now you might be thinking, "this gal has written three novels and is still unrepresented. she must suck."
and you know what?
you may be right. but i like to think of my first novels as practice. as a way of working on my craft. my previous novels were written in quick succession, the last one completed three years ago.

so why has it taken me so long to start writing again?
reason #1 - burnout
i was just all written out. i had an idea i really wanted to work into a novel but i was just too tired. i had no enthusiasm and no flow, so i thought a break would benefit me.
reason #2 - baby
throughout my pregnancy and the first year of my son's life, i have just had no time (or energy) to write. it's taken a long time, but now i am itching to work on my novel. the only problem is finding the time.
but i am determined and dedicated.

this blog is just a fun way for me to document my journey while working on my current project, and to give my thoughts on Young Adult literature.
and a way to remind me to WRITE!